


Amercement

by Devilbaby



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Romance if you squint, Yes they're in love, no they don't know what to do about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 03:11:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19264750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Devilbaby/pseuds/Devilbaby
Summary: (Written for the tadfield advertiser kinkmeme on dreamwidth: https://tadfield-advertiser.dreamwidth.org/)Why did Aziraphale automatically assume Crowley wanted the holy water to use on himself?





	Amercement

There are many things angels aren't supposed to do that Aziraphale does. From dancing to handing out flaming swords to befriending demons, he breaks a lot of rules. (Or at least bends them a bit here and there.)

There are many things angels aren't supposed to be that Aziraphale is. Curious, adventurous, (mildly) rebellious...empathetic. Yes, that's right; angles aren't supposed to know empathy. They're divine beings, created to serve the almighty; they aren't meant to _care_ about anyone's feelings, not even their own. They feel love, not empathy.

He'd like to blame it on the humans, on six thousand years walking among them, learning from them and mimicking them and pretending to be one of them for so long that he sometimes forgets how to be an angel. After all, form shapes nature and he's been in this form for a very long time. Yes, it's a good excuse. It's also complete rubbish.

Aziraphale was empathic long before humans entered the picture. Even as he fought against his brethren in the Great War he felt for them. Felt for them as they lost, as they died and as they fell. Felt their screams of rage and anguish as the survivors were cast out of heaven and out of Grace. (Eons later and the memory of those screams still haunt him.)

He felt for Adam and Eve in the Garden too, gave up his sword that they might survive in the merciless world beyond God's blessing. (Another fall, a lesser one. He probably should have stayed out of it but there were dangers beyond the Garden wall and he'd rather not know what humans sounded like when they screamed.)

So, he has always been just a little bit rubbish as an angel. Perhaps God knows this, and perhaps he is being amerced for his lack of divinity because he is empathic and also friends with a demon and that is a combination created to punish.

Aziraphale will swallow hellfire before he admits it, but he knows how much Crowley still suffers the Fall; he can _feel_ it. His demonic friend aches for the soul that was ripped from him when he was cast out of the Light; no amount of time will ever heal that wound. 

The other demons turned their suffering outwards, onto the world and the humans and each other, inflicting pain where they could. Crowley turned his inward, carried it inside him and let it eat him away like acid, covered it all over with a lovely false smile. 

The truth is, being around Crowley hurts. Being friends with him hurts even more. But for all that the thought of not being Crowley's friend is unbearable, because as much as their friendship hurts Aziraphale, it helps Crowley. When the two of them are together his pain isn't as sharp, the blade of his torment blunted the slightest bit. And Aziraphale loves him too much to not want to help.

He knows Crowley has considered oblivion. It's not a conversation they've ever had but you can't know someone for six thousand years and not pick up on that sort of thing. It doesn't happen often, usually Crowley can find solace enough in his work and the human pleasures it provides. In good food and strong drink and fast cars and petty nuisances and the various troubles he stirs up. 

But sometimes it's not enough. Sometimes the ache is too profound, the wound feels particularly fresh and sometimes...sometimes Crowley considers oblivion. 

Aziraphale lives in fear of that day, however remote the possibility. So when Crowley comes to him asking for Holy Water, he suspects the worst. He suspects he's failed his friend. He suspects Crowley is falling, and Aziraphale won't be able to do anything but scream.

**Author's Note:**

> First work in this fandom. Definitely not going to be the last.


End file.
